Generic, over personal, drunk and angry post

I have a tendency of going through phases of motivation, confidence and general happiness. These are however ultimately followed by long stretches of depression, hopelessness and procrastination. When I started this blog I was in one of the motivated and happy phases. However, if you observe my posting throughout time you will notice a slow, yet progressive and noticeable downwards trend. I am a cynic at heart but the early posts still convey a sense of optimism. Some sort of solution to the problems I present. However, as time goes by… My articles have gotten a little darker, bland and are just generally, starting to consist of me moaning about things. The motivational touch I add is getting so generic that I stop believing it myself. Overall, just sounding like an angry teenager who doesn’t know life outside of his parent house, an Xbox controller and last nights greasy, rotting kebab.

Well guys, I’m sorry.

When I started my blog, I made a personal oath. An oath that I am currently breaking as I write this. I completely devoted myself to posting regularly REGARDLESS of the circumstances. I wanted to keep a steady audience despite the dark depths of Google search in which you currently find this blog in. I promised I wouldn’t get lazy and this site wouldn’t become another digital graveyard. A waste of internet space along with all the other “Did you know I write a blog” bloggers.

Even if I failed all of this, there is one thing I swore I would never EVER do. The ultimate cliché that just sets aside the lazy underachieving pieces of shit from successful writers, vloggers and bloggers alike… I swore I would never make this post.

You know the one. It starts a little something like this.

Hey guys! I know I haven’t posted in a while but…

Yes, That one.

Well… here it is. My manifesto. My descent into failed, vain and inane blogging with the rest of you fuckers.

For that… I am sorry.

Hey guys! I know I haven’t posted in a while but… The truth is, I feel like shit.

I feel like shit for feeling like shit.

I feel like shit for being drunk AGAIN.

I feel like shit for not being able to wake up until noon.

I feel like shit for all the pretentious shit I pretend to give a shit about.

I feel like shit for writing this stupid post like a 15 year old girl posting shitty poems on her shit tumblr.

There’s a lot of things I feel shit about, but most of all… I feel shit for giving up. I feel shit for laying in bed all day not being able to write because I feel so dead. It’s hard. My head is a wreck. It seems like a lifetime of bad habits and poor decision making is taking a toll on my mental and cognitive abilities. Maybe my brain is just disaggregating into a fried and over stimulated puddle of mush. Maybe I’m dead?

I don’t know what’s going on but I just want to apologise for publishing this rambling of self indulgent and egomaniacal tripe. If you are still reading, then you are a stronger man than I.

The truth is, I’ve had my fun of being a hedonistic waster and now I want out. I want to be that guy that wakes up everyday at 5.am and does something productive. Someone who makes a positive impact on this world. The truth is though, this deep pit of self loathing and pity only feeds an ongoing and perpetual cycle of more and more misery. Wake up, feel like shit then repeat until you feel like so much like utter shit you can’t even get out of bed.

Maybe one day, I can get up and do something useful that will actual impact society rather than just rambling on behind a computer screen. Maybe one day I can get up before noon and do stuff that normal people do for once. Yes, being a normal functioning member of society sounds nice…

Who am I kidding, I’m just drunk… Pour me another one.

–THE LONELY DRUNK–

Addicted to distraction

The internet is a wonderful thing isn’t it? I mean seriously. It is a WONDERFUL thing. It’s a lot like many other inventions created in the past few decades. You lived fine without it before, but now it exists you could not possibly imagine a life without. How on earth could you survive without millions of cute kitten pictures at you disposal. How could you EVER think that you could live on oxygen, food and water alone without seeing that fat kid fall over for the 50th time this shift. We are never far away from a virtual world were you can get consumed. Then left wondering were in the hell the night went and why on earth am I watching videos on how to build a greenhouse (“Related” YouTube video binge anyone ?) With all of this new technology available 24/7 and in such a short amount of time, are we really ready for it ? Is it possible that we may just all be obsessed ? Addicted. To distraction.

“How did I get here ?”

I grew up in the age of the internet and the explosion of computers. By the time I was thirteen every room in my school had a computer and internet connection. A mere one year later near enough every household in the UK could access porn. I mean the internet. Well the internet practically IS just a gigantic porn database but lets not get into that. A few more years passed and technology progressed to a point were you could access and endless sea of information simply by pressing a few buttons on a small black box you kept in your pocket. That’s pretty crazy isn’t it ? No. It’s FUCKING INSANE. Near enough every development in human history was a progressive one. Our bodies and mind had time to adjust to the changes happening around us. But I can’t help thinking the smart phone and internet era happened far too rapid. We all jumped in blindly like a pack of wild dogs, draining our last sheds of dopamine in front of an LCD screen.

“A  useful diagram I made to illustrate the ratio of information on the world wide web”

As I have stated I grew up in the internet age. I remember spending hours in front of my parents state of the art COMPUTER (Probably worth about 50 pence now.) Sitting there on Newgrounds, Youtube, getting traumatized by 4chan all from such a young tender age. We don’t know if excessive internet usage is damaging because it is so new and fresh in our minds. There is no control group. All you reading who grew up on the internet. You are the experiment. You are the guinea pigs. For all we know the radiation from computer screens could make gigantic horse penis’s grow out of your armpits. We won’t know if it’s damaging until our generation gets older and becomes some sort of mutated creature who can do nothing but read emails and live on a steady diet of pixels and Facebook likes for sustenance.

“Don’t  check your Facebook too much kids !”

These topics nether would have crossed my mind until the unspeakable happened last week. A pain no man should ever undergo. My smart-phone broke. It had become so natural for me; The second I get in to rush upstairs, load up my dopamine receptors and mindlessly browse for a few hours. I was unusually distraught by the fact it had broken. I had a perfectly good laptop to use and the Ipod had seen its days. However, it was more the fact that I could access the internet QUICKER on my Phone than the laptop which resulted in INSTANT gratification. This is the issue I think. There is no need for working toward or achieving anything now as we can swiftly satisfy ourselves with something digital. Google truly is turning us into idiots. Can’t remember something ? Google it. FUCK LEARNING. Don’t have a partner ? Watch some of the sickest pornography you can find and overload you mind with happy chemicals until there’s no need for anybody else other than you. Just you and your FUCKING CANDY CRUSH (Sorry I just don’t get the hype.) Don’t get me wrong. The internet is a beautiful and great part of our society. It is completely decentralised so anyone in the world can read other people’s opinions away from censorship and the mind warping machine that is the media. You can connect with people around the globe simultaneously. Isn’t that what we want ? To be connected too every other human on the planet. Maybe so. At the end of the day, There is no getting away from this digital revolution. Whether you like it or not the internet is hear to stay. Thanks for reading and remember. Browse responsibly. –THE LONELY WEST–

Work, consume, die

I apologise to anyone who actually reads this blog , as I haven’t graced you beautiful people with any content as frequently as usual. Well it’s not like anyone reads this blog. However, I’m just hanging onto that last bleak fragment of hope that someone out their in the world gives a fuck about what I have to say. It’s depressing, grim and of cause dismal coming to terms with the fact that nobody gives two flying shits about you. The ideology that every conversation you have and ever will have is just a means of getting some sort of gain from the opposing party. The actuality that no matter how terrible and sickening the real world can get, there is NOTHING you can do about it.  As you can tell already, this is going to be a cynical roller-coaster ride of hopelessness and self indulgent bullshit. But hey, It’s been a few days since made a post or written anything for that matter. Therefore, a lot of over-analysed and repressed ocean of cynicism are about to be spilled over your computer screen. For that my dear reader I apologise to my fullest extent.

What’s the purpose of life ? Why am I here ? What’s the point ? I guarantee that everyone has asked these questions at some point in their life. I know I have. Iv’e spent so much time pondering this and I sure as hell know it is not the number 42 (Sorry Sci-fi fans ! back to social reclusion for you.) However, regardless of what we are exactly on this planet to do, the most logical course of action would be simple. ENJOY OURSELVES. Sadly members of my fellow species this is not the case. We struggle day in and day out killing ourselves mentally and physically  And for what ? A few pieces of paper with some politician or royals face on it. A shard of metal which you can exchange for a drink to numb the pain of the world outside. They say the world outside is a cruel unforgiving place and that may be true. However, it is only that way because WE MADE IT THAT WAY. I truly believe what lies beyond this viscous cycle of work, consume and die is far more beautiful than we can comprehend.

“Honestly guys couldn’t think of a good image accompanied by a witty caption to give you for this paragraph. So yet again. Here’s an optical illusion to keep you entertained as you scroll down.”

Sure you can sit their on your high horses complaining about the ‘ills of society’ but what the fuck have ever done but moan. Most people will sit in their comfy homes in the white middle-class suburban neighbour-hood pretending to care about ‘The starving children’. Or any other particular cause that is the fad at the present time. So they donate money to a charity, not for the cause but for themselves. This ironically brings us to believe that donating to charity is a selfish task. Well it is if you think about it, as most people do it to feel better about themselves, giving them the morale high-ground and feeding the hungry ego. There own lives are shallow and un-fulfilling  so they compensate by absorbing mind numbing pop music whilst sipping from a wine bottle and watching reality T.V. Letting the media warp their opinions from behind an LCD screen, distracting them like a parent dangling a set of keys in front of a baby. Life was not meant to be lived this way. It’s about discovery, love and new experiences. Sadly, many of these options are taken away from us in the modern age. Were lead to believe we should be shackled, only responding to commands from our overloads. Like an army of robots performing millions of tasks ultimate leading to nothing. What can we do you may ask. The truth is nothing. All we can do is what we have been doing countless years throughout time. Live.

–THE LONELY CROWDED WEST–

 

Reality: When it hits, you know it…

There comes a point in everybody’s life were reality begins to rear it’s ugly head. This normally happens upon finishing university, being in so much debt that you’re considering prostitution and realising you’re probably not going to get a job. When this eventually happens it’s back to square one.  Yes, back to the good old days of dwelling in your parents’ basement playing World Of Warcraft. Well, I am still of a young tender age, and studying in college, however, I had this epiphany recently. Of course, I wouldn’t call it an epiphany. This is because epiphanies are normally enlightening. I would think of it more as a sack a fresh toasty shit hurdled straight at the face.

“You know what would go well with that masters degree… A heaping sack of REALITY!”

This crude picture is an accurate representation of how such an epiphany happens. I apologise for the shoddy Photoshop job, turns out searching ‘sack of shit flying at man’s face’ in Google images isn’t as good of an idea as it seems. As I have stated, I am currently studying at college. A media course to be precise. Okay, I thought applying for this course seemed like the best idea I’ve had all decade. However, I was mistaken. I went in with the idea of completing the course then going to university to study journalism. After this? Well, yes, you guessed it: try and get a job in the field of journalism. How naive I was thinking it could be that simple. Media! Wow, how many teenagers have taken that in college? Hundreds upon hundreds I bet. All so they can sit and play with a camera all day. I honestly feel like college in general is just a waste of time, by the time I get into the world of work I will have no experience. This is because all the years that could have been spent working were spent in education. I guess I’m just going to finish college and spend my nights drinking alcohol in a bottomless pit of self loathing and regret. That’s great! It’s basically journalism anyway. Just without the writing…and without the pay.

“Just another day at the office”

I am going to finish up with just a couple of thoughts because most people don’t enjoy reading lengthy articles. They would rather be spoon fed a short one with a few funny pictures. Me personally, I would be happy living in a groggy flat playing my guitar on a low paid job.  Having astronomical amounts of money has never really seemed appealing to me. Although, I feel the reason I went to college is because I know I have potential. Not trying to sound like a pretentious piece of shit but I know I do. Due to this, I think if I just squandered my chances at success it would be an insult. Not an insult to my parents or family but to the people who never stood a chance. The people that don’t have any talent or never did well academically. I’m sorry this post is getting pretty soppy now.  Don’t worry ill just stick a picture of an optical illusion in at the end to keep you idiots entertained.

“Whoa dude”

What is going on… Seriously

What is the meaning of life? An often cliche’ question that has boggled the minds of philosophers and scientists alike. Many people across the ages have yearned to know the answer this. Well, to be fair you can’t blame them. All this talk about politics, the weather and all the other pointless shit, nobodies looking at the big picture. Look at it this way. We’re on this gigantic rock of dirt. Hurdling through space. Next to a gigantic ball of fire. If you just think about that for a moment, it really begs the question… WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!”

Right now you are a fleshy blood vessel made up of microscopic cells and even smaller particles. Among your other millions of fleshy vessels you are held down by a force called gravity. A force that cannot been seen smelled or even touched. Every single variable and possibility ever so suspiciously perfect and seemingly thought out.

Within this vessel we call our bodies we have a brain. An organ that uses chemicals and electrical signals to help us perceive reality. As you sit here reading this article your brain is interpreting these series of pixels which make up the English language. Set out on a black box with a screen made up of small LED lights and circuitry. Your black box networked to millions of others, seamlessly connecting through a series of 1’s and 0’s flying across a virtual world within our own.

Maybe, after you read this you’ll decide to call a friend and go round theirs (tell them about how good my blog is.) You will pick up a box and the vibrations of your vocal chords will be received into this box. This information will oscillate in a wave  to your friend miles away into his little box. If this isn’t strange enough, next you’ll get into a box with wheels attached to it. With this you will fly across time and space and reach your friend who lives in an even bigger box made of bricks

Don’t tell me you know what is going on because in the grand scheme of things… reality is bat shit insane. We have just grown accustomed to it and well… we just accept it for what it is. I mean, if somebody looked at our universe from a completely unbiased standpoint it would blow their mind. Imagine being outside of our reality and just observing the way we live. Millions of tiny mammals running around. Completing medial tasks for other people in order to get pieces of paper  that can be used to acquire items and services. Life is just the most insane drug trip conceivable.

“Whoa Trippy man”

How can we expect to find meaning in all of this when we don’t even have the faintest clue of whats going on. We don’t even know if this world is real or how the universe even keeps itself together so neatly and perfectly. In my opinion, there is no meaning to life. Meaning itself is a concept created by humans. A way of trying to understanding this crazy nonsensical existence. You can attach whatever human concepts you like to reality to make you feel better and less alone. But… At the end of the day, meaning is a man made concept. I’m sure the real truth is something impossible for us to even comprehend.

Overall, I find it truly fascinating how the universe is so precisely and put together. It really is beautiful. The way we can put together mathematical equations and everything just seems to add up. However… It doesn’t always add up. Everything is not what it seems and I think our reality is much more complex than we could ever conceive. No amount of science or technology is going to explain everything, So just enjoy what you are presented with. There’s nothing else you can do. Take a step back  from the drudgery of the rat race. Just for a moment. Breath in the oxygen, and appreciate the true beauty of the chaotic and random world we find ourselves living in. Because when you look at it the right way. Even chaos can be beautiful.

“Just to remind you how insignificant you really are.”

–THE LONELY CROWDED WEST–

Why the education system fails

It’s that time of the year again. That small gap after freedom, and before the inevitable drudgery of the real world. Currently, hundreds upon thousands of neurotic teens anxiously wait for a series of various letters. Letters that at the time, seem to hold so much significance. With all the pressure from parents, teachers and society, the A-F  grading criteria can seem like a spectrum. One which determines how much of a worthless piece of shit you are.

“The highly accurate and scientific method of measuring your worthlessness.”

Of course, as many of us realize, things are not as black and white as they may seem. We hear countless stories time and time again, of highly successful people such as Richard Branson or Bill gates who flunked or simply opted out of school. On the other side of things, talented academics are finding it hard to find a job just to pay there bills. It is clear that the grades you get in school do not determine were you are headed in life. So, where does the system fail?

Well, lets start at the beginning. After the short period of fun we call childhood you are thrown into your first institution. School. If your lucky, you may make it to age 6 before the fun begins to be slowly sucked out of you. But sooner or later, it’s going to happen. Straight away you are taught to comply. Wear this uniform, Learn and do what we tell you and don’t answer back. Already at such a young age you are getting robbed of your right to choose who and what you want to be. I don’t hold as much resentment for primary schools, as with children of such a young age I guess you just need to learn the basics i.e reading and writing. However, this lack of freedom carries on into high school which is beyond absurd.

“Just turned 6 I see? GIMME ALL THAT FUN!”

By the time you reach high school, you are already conditioned into this regime of compliance. Again you have to learn what the teachers tell you to. Why? Because it’s in the curriculum. Why do we need to learn what’s in the curriculum? because it’s on the tests at the end of this grueling education journey. We are forced to learn topics we don’t particularly care about or have any practical use. This is wrong on so many levels because the thirst for knowledge and development comes from within, not from the government or societies expectations. This leads to kids not enjoying school, consequently leading to resenting learning in general due to there poor experience with the education system. After all, why would learning in other aspects of your life be satisfying if school, the supposed pinnacle of your early learning was so terrible.

Lets say you do take on board the the regime of high school and persevere to do well. What will the fruits of your labor entail? Well, the truth is that you don’t particularly “learn” anything from school. You are taught to memorize facts and figure from outdated books, brought to believe that there is only one true answer to every question. We know there isn’t, but if you don’t regurgitate the right piece of paraphrased text then you may fail the exam. Due to this you are not encouraged to voice your own opinions on subjects and school becomes more of a memory test, if anything. In the end, all you really learn from school is how to do what your told and pass standardized tests. Do education officials know this? I’m sure many of them do. Do they care? The tragic truth is that nowadays schools are a business. High test scores mean better ofsted report and a better report means more new students due to persuaded parents. What does more students mean? MORE MONEY. As usual it all boils down to that sweet sweet green stuff.

So, what is wrong with our current school system and what needs changing:

1. No creative freedom – You are taught to be compliant and not think for yourself. We need to encourage young people to use their own minds if we want a bright future not full of narrow minded idiots.
2. It’s just memory test – You are not challenged to put any of these things to practical use. Instead, you are forced to cram yourself full of knowledge to pass one lousy test. Most of what you think you have learnt will have been disposed of by your brain by the time you finish.
3. Schools are businesses – This means that the students aren’t often the faculties best interest. Rather, it’s all about statistics and not what the students got out of their time there. This reinforces the idea of ramming the curriculum down kids throats and hindering free thinking.
4. Institutionalized – What is this, George Orwell 1984? Let kids have some individuality and enjoy themselves. Then maybe… just maybe… Gasp. They may enjoy coming to school.

There are so many things wrong with our current way of doing things the systems beginning to seem archaic. A lack of individuality and creative freedom hinders young people from thinking outside the box and creating or becoming something great. I mean, who ever got anywhere by following the rules?

Video games are terrible. Who will save us?

I remember the first time I ever played my very own games console. It was a Nintendo 64 to be exact. I was captivated with with awe as I climbed mountains, dodged bullets and saved the world from the comfort of my own home. And so began a sometimes unhealthy obsession with the video games. I honestly can’t think of anything more satisfying as a kid than a new game. The sound and feeling as you tear apart the sealed plastic. Tossing the instruction manual aside and claiming your prize. Then the sweet distinct “click” of the cartridge as it enters your console and you become immersed in a world unlike your own. Mario, Banjo Kazooie, Resident evil, ZELDA! so many great games. So many good excuses to become a solitary being, living on a diet of yogurts and cheese strings. Truly the golden age of gaming (at least in my generation.) Things were looking up and they could only get better from here right?

At the time, games were seemingly on an upwards spiral to greatness. With them becoming much more noticed in mainstream media and increasingly more technologically advanced, a bright future was ahead. However, somewhere along the line something changed. They finally truly hit the mainstream market. Bigger budgets, better technology, MORE GAMES! Unfortunately, this all came at a price. Developers began marketing to the mass audience and games became less and less like games, and more like a cinematic, testosterone filled gore orgy. Gameplay value began to be discarded for hard hitting stories and  hyper realistic graphics. There was no more fun, no more item collecting and with Rareware selling their soul to Microsoft it seemed nobody could save us. We’d reached the pinnacle of great games and fell flat on our face at the hands of larger demographics and more money.

R.I.P Banjo

Now, all were left with is constant sequels and remakes of old games. Nothing original. Fifa 14, Halo 5, Call of duty whatever the hell we’re up too and countless others. There all built on huge budgets with no attention to detail, often with dull storylines and generic un-game like gameplay. In a way, I am saying we should go back to the basics. Although Nintendo often stick to the basics, just look all their games. It’s  just Mario in a variety of different situations. Come on guys think of something new. I think developers these days are too scared to go out of the norm. Due to the money being pumped into and earned on these new games it is too risky to experiment so we end up with the same recycled crap time and time again. Things look bleak. Is their anybody out there who can save us from this graveyard of disappointing games and wasted potential?

Well maybe there is. In recent years we’ve seen a surge of indie game developers beginning to surface and make breakthroughs in the industry. Some notable ones would be of cause Minecraft, Super Meat boy and Fez. All of these great games, created by individuals or small groups much like yourselves on a generally dirt cheap budget. And you know what? As far as games go they are much better than the majority of the ones hitting the market from huge companies such as EA. Why? Because all of them have one thing in common. They’re original. They pay attention to detail and recover the long lost art of subtle and interesting subtext to create something truly brilliant and artistic.

The great thing about indie games is that generally there are no limits to what can be done. The truth is, there never has never been limits in games. However, what makes  indie developers different is that they aren’t afraid to go outside of the norms and try something new. Why? Because there’s not millions invested in it, there not trying to entertain a mass audience and rush there game out for Christmas. Many indie games will make us question what a game truly is by completely going against the conventional means of playing a game. When developers experiment, stop catering to a mass audience and think for themselves. At times we get something beautiful. In these brief moments of free-thinking, video games can seem more like an art form than anything else.

–THE LONELY CROWDED WEST–

I hate blogging.

Hello fellow humans. Let me take some time out of your busy schedule of self-loathing and compliance, so I can welcome you to my blog. Well if you could call it that.  I like to think of it more like a series of random thoughts flimsily held together by the imaginary blocks which make up your computer screen. There’s no real purpose for this I just think it is about time I dusted up my writing. If I get a couple of readers in the process… Well that’s a bonus. At least 90 % of these so-called ‘readers’ won’t give two flying fucks about what I say. This is the internet for Christ sake. The best I got when I used to blog was the odd generic comment saying something like “I found this article fruitful, please write more.” Oh great ! you think too yourself whilst violently masturbating your already inflated ego. completely oblivious of the fact that the comment suspiciously leads to a plumbing website and the profile has posted the exact same comment for countless other blogs. NO. That doesn’t matter. Now you can go and tell all your friends how you got a comment on your blog. Did I mention that I WRITE A BLOG. Yes you did for the nine-thousand-six-hundred and sixty-fifth time this week. Nobody cares that some obscure anonymous person who you will never meet enjoys reading about your life and “liking” your “selfies”.

“An accurate (And beautiful may I add) diagram that I created in order to explain how things go down in the blogging world”

Blogging sucks there is no doubt about it. Trying to make a living from writing is the most soul-destroying and disappointing endeavor known to man that’s for sure. But there is one thing that I know for a fact. There is hope out there. Once you plow through the shit storm that is the chauvinistic and sensationalist mainstream media, maybe you will see it too. That tiny light in the distance telling you that maybe, just maybe there are people out there who aren’t just complete idiots…

Who am I kidding were all fucking idiots.

—THE LONELY CROWDED WEST—