Lost in the sesh

If there’s anything I’ve ever been good at, it’s getting fucked up. It’s sounds crude, but sadly it’s true. If I’m being honest with myself, 14 years-old and onwards was just an extended binge of every pleasurable and damaging thing life has to offer. Chain-smoking, excessive drinking and just downright irresponsible drug abuse bordering on the lines of insanity. Some of the best and most magical times of my life have been brought on through impulsive decisions and hedonism, but things can easily get out of hand, as you find your life crashing down around you. If you find your weekends blurring into weekday’s and your morning coffee blurring into a can of strongbow and a line of amphetamine, maybe you’ve made the mistake me and many others made. Maybe you got lost in the sesh.

Don’t get me wrong partying is good. in fact, no. Partying is the best. I can’t think of a better feeling than flailing about on a dance floor completely immersed in music and artificial love. It’s the sort of moments that just make you think, “Hey, life’s not so bad, maybe everything is going to be alright.” These moments we need. With the ever-growing stress of the real world stacking up as we age, we need our vices. We need an escape from reality to be well within our reach or we become the walking misery that is a 9-5 worker, saving up for a future that they won’t have because their at work all the time. It’s only logical we have mind-alterings to alter our brain chemistry just so we can experience something a little different than the morbid white walls of our offices and homes.

The problem arises when the partying becomes the only way of living. Shining euphoria and crippling comedowns find there way into the real world and nothing makes sense without it. I am a proffesional partier and have gotten sucked into this cycle countless times before (Hence why my blog is looking pretty bare lately.) However, what I’m coming to realise is that the sesh can only go so far. After a while nothing ‘normal’ is as stimulating and the real world starts becoming bleak and boring as you develop this sort of nihilism. I mean why spend time trying do well at something so you can feel good, when the misery of sober life can be halted and endless pleasure can be activated with the click of a lighter or the swallowing of a pill.

It may sound like I am discouraging drug-use and partying. I am not. To be honest I recommend it. In small doses. However, the truth is you don’t just have to be partying to get lost in the sesh. People get lost in everything pleasurable. Video-games, the internet, gambling amongst other things. When we use these things in excess to create our world, we have nothing else to compare it to, so it becomes the new norm. We no longer have it as a quick release from reality, rather it is our reality. It becomes a necessity like food or water. What I can say is… Drugs. Are. Good. They feel good. They are good. I’d just recommend you keep your usage in check otherwise you’ll end up like me. A shitty blog with huge gaps in it.

To be fair. I don’t regret the sleepless nights spent talking about nonsense. I don’t look back in anguish at nights spent clinging onto a speaker blasting music, with enough bass to destroy Rome. No. There all experiences and wrong or right, they make us the people who we are. I’m in a pretty decent place right now and I have a feeling that I going to be graced with a long period of happiness before the misery comes in and steals the stage again. However, this time I won’t resort chemicals to keep my happiness going. I believe even in tough times the best thing you can do is keep moving forward. Even if you’ve lost everything else, you can still move forward, momentum can only be stopped by ones self.

–THE LONELY WEST–